IN the manner of all good journalists I can't reveal my sources (and I hope Lord Leveson isn't watching former News of the World journalists too closely) but I happened to come across a transcript from a Football League boardroom this week.
It went something like this...
FINANCE DIRECTOR: I've no wish to pour gloom on proceedings gentlemen but I thought I had better bring something to your attention.
DIRECTOR NO. 2: Surely there can't be much to upset us old chap. I mean... we've bought in a number of really top players during the summer, have established a squad to be proud of, have reappointed the manager who was so impressive for us before he decided to leave us for greener pastures and are now pushing for the play-offs.
FINANCE DIRECTOR: Yes, mmm, I realise that... the problem is that all this has had a rather substantial impact on our wage bill. Not only that but our average attendances of just over 4,000, paying their entrance fee of £20 a time at the turnstyles, doesn't exactly cover the wages of all these top players as well as the top-notch manager and his staff. And don't forget we had to pay substantial compensation to the bloke who went before him AND his assistant.
DIRECTOR NO 2: Hmm, I see your point.
CHAIRMAN: So, um, how bad is it? And what can we do about it?
FINANCIAL DIRECTOR: I'm afraid to say, your majesty, that we are talking about a fair few million.
CHAIRMAN: Can we hang on until we get promoted, hopefully via the playoffs, and get a nice tidy sum from the gate plus the cash for going up? If need be we could melt down that nice silver cup they give you, too, and put a cheap replacement in the cabinet...
FINANCIAL DIRECTOR: It's a bit of a gamble and I am not sure if we could do that PLUS pay all our bills til the end of the season.
DIRECTOR NO 2 (face lighting up and lightbulb flashing on above his head): Hey, wait a goddamn minute. What if we actually delayed paying our tax? Those buggers at the revenue have far more things to tax themselves than little us, if you'll pardon the pun... and that would give us the leeway to see the season through, win promotion via the playoffs, sell all the players who got us there, get a nice little bit of compensation when a bigger club poaches our manager AND melt down the trophy, replacing it with a cheap imitation.
CHAIRMAN: That is brilliant. That's why you're on the board. All in favour...?
Of course, this is all a bit of tomfoolery, but the news that Port Vale are the latest team to hit dire financial straits does make me beg the question: Why oh why do clubs continue to put off paying their tax bills?
HMRC have obviously had enough of being taken for a ride and the evidence of Portsmouth's continuing demise and the fact Cardiff were pushed to within 24 hours of going bust must have been lost on all these other clubs.
It's all by the grace of God I know but I am sure Gas chairman Nick Higgs and his board must be aware of the pitfalls by now and are running a tight ship.
It would explain why two of our more experienced players, Byron Anthony and Scott McGleish, have gone out on loan recently and why we didn't make any permanent transfers during the January window.
Nice to see, also, that the man we have appointed to the hot seat, Mark McGhee, has been prepared to work with the staff already at the Mem rather than bring in his own entourage, as others have done before him.
Hopefully the next step will be to have a good look at some of the other younger prospects on our books like Shaquille Hunter and Lamar Powell - players that could become worth something to the club in years to come and keep our head above the parapit.
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